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  • Writer's pictureBrian St. John

The Adventures of Rage Kitty

Updated: Dec 29, 2020

Ep.1 We meet.

When it became clear to Baxter McGruder, mild mannered citizen kitty and all around good girl, that things had changed; that the world was a far different place from those salad days of youthful abandon and indiscretion she knew as a kitten. Back when she lived upstairs with her dad and Mrs. Hooters in the beforetime when she could pass her days napping, floor-pooping, and sticking her dad with sharp claws and kitty stuff like that. And later when she served in the Queens royal kitty guard - an expert in bats, clubs, hammers, pry-bars, and paw to paw combat it was nothing stress-wise compared to now. And although she was young, she knew that a lot of the changes were not for the better. This was frustrating for her and she could feel something building inside. Something she didn't quite understand. Something to be feared? Could there really be something crazy inside her trying to get out? Of course there could be. She'd seen it in kitty combat often enough and there'd better be a god-damned relief valve near-by when it all gets to be too much. But her? Damn. And she couldn't just hit it with a bat. Damn.

I mean, her dad did call her "crazy kitties" a lot. Maybe he meant to tell her something? Maybe he wasn't the authoritarian egomaniac that ruined her dreams of constant head scratches and never-ending kitty yum-yums after all? Maybe metering treats and doing other activities besides head scratches had some merit. That didn't seem right to kitties, but dads know stuff sometimes because they're big, even though they often go without a good all day nap to think about stuff which really seems crazy to kitties because napping feels pretty good. Sure it doesn't really help, but it's the only thing kitties have tried and it is their way.

She decided after much kitty reflection that a new approach for this crazy new world was in order. What she needed, she thought... What people needed... What everybody needed....was a release. A chance to let go and really direct some of the chaotic energy outward. A chance to go nuts! Kitties seriously needed to go fuckin' crazy and get it the fuck out of their system, she thought! But where? That was the question... Where would it be safe with no mess to clean afterward and access to the enormous amount of shit you'd need including great music?

As luck would have it, (which is often the way with stories like this where the author has an obvious agenda and is willing to go so far as to introduce gratuitous cursing and to blatantly steer the story in unlikely directions in a simple blog just to get the message out) Baxter McGruder just happened to live, along with her constant companion, protector and lifelong side-kick Mrs. Caligula Hooters at a local rage room called Rage! KC that just happened to provide exactly such services as needed, and they just happen to have started a web-page, opened their doors, and began blogging today.

"That's it meow!", she thought after what for kitties is normal but for everyone else seems like a damn eternity.

"I'll get my release at Rage! KC where I live downstairs."

"I'll just make an appointment and then go fuck some shit up... Meow!"

"Good show." meowed Mrs. Hooters, "I can never think outside the box..."

Both kitties laughed and Mrs. Hooters put a paw behind her ear and made her back leg thump a few times. She looked like she was smiling.

It's fun to be kitties usually, but these days it seems like more and more often some bone-head has to come along and make everything more difficult, or a simple mistake turns into a catastrophe, thought Ms. Gruder. There's a general malaise across the land because of the stupid pandemic that affects kitties and people of all kinds adversely and it builds. It builds until Rage! KC is the only answer that really fits. It's a huge release and they're wearing masks and taking safety precautions with or without COVID. It's a blast and when the stress builds...Rage! KC is there to help you bust it up...

Well it sure has been building inside kitties Baxter McGruder for some time now.

Who knows what might happen?

{Stay tuned for Episode 2}

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